In the mornings, I like to have my coffee (coffee bean water) and peruse the news on the internet. This morning, I saw an article that was touting the next generation of plant waters. Coconut water really took off as a food fad and on the heels of that came "vitamin water". Not to be outdone, some other companies have now come up with the next generation of plant waters to rival coconut water. The first is artichoke water. They pulp the entire artichoke and liquefy it, then add it to water. Of course, they have to add fruit juice and sugar to it so people can quaff it down. Next is maple water, that is, the water that usually gets boiled off when making maple syrup. Ok, maybe that one might be relatively taste-harmless. Next up is cactus water. They take a little bit of prickly pear cactus, liquefy it, and add it to water. Hmmm...must be kind of like a nopales smoothie. Then we have aloe vera water. Of course, they forget to tell you aloe vera taken internally is a powerful laxative. Definitely not something to chug while in rush hour traffic.
Anyway, I think I need to get in on this fad. So I was looking around to see what plants I have around here that I can offer as plant water and cash in on this. So, I am proud to announce: JUNIPER WATER!
Yes, Juniper Water! We take only the finest juniper trees of which there are billions in this region of Arizona. Only pure juniper is used. We don't add fillers like pinyon pine which some people mistake for junipers. We don't add any tumbleweeds, creosote bush, grey sage, or rabbit grass like lesser quality Juniper Water makers would do. We carefully hand-grind the juniper needles and lovingly add them to water meticulously selected for it's crystal clarity. It's like drinking a Christmas tree---how refreshing is that! Juniper Water is gluten-free, vegan, and organic.
And one more regional offering: WATER WATER!
Yes, Water Water! Picture it: Rain falls on rugged red sandstone mesas, percolating down to the stone aquifers beneath. It is drawn from a well at over 50 feet below the surface of the Earth and brought up in genuine iron pipes, free of harmful plastics. It is then meticulously handcrafted into drinking water at a local water treatment plant. From there, we spare no effort in drawing it from a tap at our kitchen sink. To this, we then draw more water and add it to this water, thus creating the world's first Water Water. You get all the health-giving benefits of water added to your water! It is gluten-free, vegan, organic, and fair-trade. Water is chock-full of the life-giving properties of water. Doctors recommend a daily allowance of water, so can you afford to be without the benefits of Water Water? Water is a natural product, so you can feel good about drinking water. Water is low calorie, too. And it is low sodium in its freshwater form. Water is harvested from free-range aquifers, thus ensuring no factory-farmed water. You can take water with you anywhere and enjoy it any time; in your car, at the office, on the go. And it's a great alternative to sports drinks for hydration. The kids will love it, too! Who doesn't like water? And water is a dietary-conscious offering at dinner parties for people who have dietary restrictions. No more worries about "Can my guests drink water?" Water Water! The drink of choice for the 21st Century!
