Stupid Saint Patrick's Day Limericks

[Hillbilly]

How 'bout an Irish haiku...

with my bow in hand
I walk amongst the green trees
in search of a stump

Or:

He lurks among trees
With sautee pan well-concealed
Here kitty, kitty

 

[Hillbilly]

There once was a feller named Mullet
Who had a head that was shaped like a bullet
He drank from the jug
Then he caught a a big bug
And swallered it right down his gullet

 

[Pat B]

here kitty kitty
my stomach rumbles loudly
here kitty kitty

There is a group of bowyer named Parker
who's family tree came from the darker....side
with all of his cousins, they are here by the dozens
but we couldn't find a genetic marker

[Hillbilly]

  We're just trying to get our family tree straight enough to split good staves from. 


There once was a bowyer named Mitch
Who tried something new to get rich
He carved bows from steel staves
The reviews were all raves
But he said that chasing those rings was a @$#&%*.

[JackCrafty]

There once was a feller named Snitch,
When sanding his bows he would itch.
One day he decided to switch,
“Dang! Sanding FG is a pain!”

Snitch went in search of a stave,
Determined, lighthearted, and brave.
A kiss to his wife he did gave,
And bought one from a feller named Dave.

In a week the stave did arrive,
“Dang! This here branch’s still alive!
I’m goin’ ta git one from Clive!”
So, to the house of Clive he did drive.

Clive once ran a bow forum,
Where all would learn a lot from ‘im.
But Clive did it all out of boredom,
He quit….and now teaches decorum.

“I need ta make me a bow!”
“I dunno Snitch, ……quit years ago.”
“You gotta tell me whatcha know!
This FG itchin’s got to go!”

So Clive taught Snitch how to tiller,
And he made ‘im bow that was killer.
Now he loves osage 'n arrows of willer,
And even gave up the ol’ Miller.

[Pat B]

Patrick, I can't buy that last line!

[JackCrafty]

 

Hmmmmm....how about "Loves 'em more than his wife but won't tell 'er?"

 

[Pat B]

Now you're talkin'!

[adb]

There once was an archer named Guy,
Who shot an arrow straight up in the sky.
He soon found, that what goes up must come down,
And now he's missing an eye.

[predatorcaller]

Some could hunt and fish every day
 to us it would seem more like play
 days alone in the bush
could turn some into mush
 but to us it,s the natural way  Lloyd

[Hillbilly]

Y'all are talented, good stuff.
 ADB, that'un sounds a bit familiar....

There once was a bowyer named Wong
Who used his new bandsaw all wrong
He didn't read the book
Many chances he took
Now his fingers are about an inch long.....


An enormous strong pirate named Moe
Made a five hundred pound bow
He pulled back the string
But it caught his ear ring
Now he looks like Vincent Van Gogh........

[ricktrojanowski]

Yeah,  that's the guy.  I think I saw him stalking cats up north one time.


A crazy ol'  Yooper I knew
He traded in maple in sinew
He spent all his money on shipping and beer
Now he lives in an igloo.

[JackCrafty]

I knew a bow puller named Mac.
Every bow he pulled on would crack.
He hated the bows that would stack,
"Give me that bow...I'll give it right back!".

So I let ol' Mac pull on my bow,
His face lit up with a glow.
As he pulled his smile it would grow,
And a tingle went down to his toe.

CRACK!!! was all I could hear,
And my eye welled up with a tear,
Ol' Mac had pulled to his ear,
And ruined the work of a year.

"Sorry about that ol' Pat,
"I guess that that is just that."
But next time I see that ol' Mac,
I'll kiss his thick skull with my bat.

 

[Hillbilly]

Begorra! It's St. Patty's day again. Commence to limerickin'!!

There once was a man from Juneau
Who went to hunt grizzlies with a twenty-pound bow
He snuck up on one
And shot it in the right bun
Now he ain't around there no mo.


There once was a feller named Dale
Who attempted to play William Tell
With an apple and a buddy
But his aim was kinda cruddy
Now he's living in the local town jail

[Hillbilly]

There once was a knapper from Nantucket 
Who had some nice flint in a five-gallon bucket
But one night while he slept
Another knapper crept
Up to his bucket and tookit.