Primitive Archer
Main Discussion Area => Around the Campfire => Topic started by: Badger on June 30, 2010, 05:04:33 am
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Obviously I would never encourage anyone to get a divorce but if life deals you that hand as it has me I have to say it aint all that bad. I came home tonight and turned on my shower, just a trickle at first to give my pet daddy long legs time to crawl out of the way, I think he has lived in my shower for at least a year now and has a leg spread of close to 4", last time my girl friend came to live with me she killed my pet spider within hours of moving in. After I took my shower I fed my cat, I have to give him 2 cans now because we have a raccoon and an oppussum that come though the doggy door for dinner each night. They usually weight till I am asleep but I often will open my eyes and see them munching away ignoring both me and the cat.
Whatever project I may be working on will be sitting on my kitchen table when I get home ready for me to work on when I get ready. If I want to go someplace for one day or a week I just go. My house is my man cave. Even cooking is more fun. I can add all the hot sause I want and instead of all those little plastic storage containers I just put the whole pan in the fridge. I was married for twentyfive years and have been single now for 15, the first year was the lonliest of my life, the second I was starting to adjust and by the third year I thought I had died and gone to heaven. If you are in your late forties or fifties don't think for a minute women will be hard to find,
I do think about growing old alone sometimes but maybe that just means I will die peacefully! So if you happen to find yourself in this situation cheer up! It may not be as bad as you think. Steve
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It's a wise man who can appreciate his situation what ever it may be, get on with life and enjoy it.
Man cave, yup...I have to go hide out in the garage
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I only get a couple of days a week of that kind of living,when I am at the cabin.Even there she has to come in every few months and clean and straighten,takes me a week or 2 after that to get it back like I like it. ;) :) :) Sounds like you have adjusted good to you situation. :) :) Sounds like you have no excuse for not coming to TN. and visit sometime. :)
Pappy
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Badger a lot of wisdom has been spoken in your post I only wish mine would leave with another man. There is much to be said for being the only one in the house when you put something down and go look for it it's there and not shoved in some cubby hole if you want to leave you're socks on the coffee table thats o k too. Ron
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I didn't marry till I was 27. Been married 20, kid is 15. They went to Paris together for two weeks, just got back last Wednesday. The first night I though I was gonna go crazy. By the last night I was pretty much into my routine. On balance I reckon a fellar ought to be able to be happy all by himself, and if so it makes a marriage all that much sweeter, especially if his spouse is similar. If fate put me in that spot, unlikely as it is, I'd be fine without my family. But I'd not trade them for nothing, including life itself, if such were offered.
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ive been divorced for 4 years now. i dont know if ill ever get married again. ive two kids from the marriage as well, that i have custody of, so i dont need to have anymore!
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Even though I have to admit that I really do enjoy life today my fondest memories are watching the kids grow up. I had a good wife but used to nag a bit too much and I was a pretty good husband but used to spend a bit too much time with my friends and hobbies. She ended up doing much worse than me and I ended up doing worse than her, LOL. Retirement is right around the corner now and I find myself reflecting on things much more. I think the biggest challenge some men have is to keep their woman entertained, my logic has always been that I never get bored, too many things right here in my own backyard that I enjoy doing. Thats not good enough for some woman or men for that matter. Trips to Vegas, expensive dinners and movies every weekend, vacations etc only solve the problem for that one day. Then you are left paying the bills and the boredom is still there. I made a bucket list after I divorced and I am still working on it. Making a bow and arrow was on my bucket list as was having a big garden. Not one thing on my bucket list cost a lot of money and not one thing requires that I be single. But they do all require attention and time.
lately I have been getting more and more pressure from a girlfriend to make a commitment and spend more time with her. I feel myself just wanting to run away. Not fair to her and not fair to me.
Really hard to stay true to myself sometimes. Steve
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Thanks steve,
I needed to see the other side of the coin right now. Your timing on this post worked out well for me.
I like this post as it is about making the best of whatever life hands you.
wade
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Sadly, the status quo is never good enough for some people (women). I hope your girlfriend comes around and realizes you're both happy (I hope she is), and lets things continue under the existing rules of (non)engagement.
My wife has moved out (just over a month ago), and while I'm occassionally lonely and depressed, I also see a whole world of choices ahead of me that would be ridiculous to consider within the marriage. I'm moving to the country, have secured a few acres on a lake, am planning my garden and orchard, my hunting, my chicken coop; my creative impulses can flourish unfettered by the debt of new shoes and hollow (expensive) entertainments. I am debt free and intend to live quite happily and beholden to none. Except the wiener dog.
Now if only I can find a woman (independently wealthy) to share this with... How's that for a long shot?
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The transition to being a family man was tough for me, but couldn't imagine it different now. I do not miss my bachelor days at all!
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Glad that You are Happier Badger...I am once Divorced...and remarried again now for 27 years...about lost Her 4 years ago to Colon Cancer and then again to My Stupidity a year ago last Christmas...and I didn't know what I would have done without Her either time....I guess I am not as tough as some...I need my Woman......... :-[
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Good thread Steve.
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I'd have to say I'm good. The wife I have is a keeper. We're going on 34 years and she still lets me play with hide glue and sinew at the dining room table.
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.......Just put the pan in the fridge ! :D :D :D :D ..Love it !!!!
Can't live with them, can't live without them.
Manny, happily single ;D
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Interesting read!
Thanks for the thought provoking insights.
God bless,Mudd
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I will just say, they (women) are a confusing critter, it's no wonder why men spend as much time trying to figure out the whitetail deer........most have not figured them out yet (the deer) and just when you think you do, WELL you know......just like women ;D
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My first wife hit the road assured that the married guy she was seeing was going to leave his wife for her, he didn't.
I spent 7 years as a bachelor making good money and doing what ever I wanted to. I was always looking for another wife during this time but it took a while to find the right person, I found her 27 years ago.
I really enjoy my solitude when she visits her kids for a week or so and settle back bachelor mode quite quickly. Hunting every day, going to movies by myself, making a mess in the kitchen and not cleaning it up until I feel like it, that sot of thing.
It does take me a day or so to transition back to married couples mode when she returns but she is a keeper.
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Probably nothing better than a good marriage, sadly it doesn't work out for everybody. I certainly didn't mean to come off like marriage was bad. I think the ideal marriage would be one where each person still maintained their own passions and dreams. I know I spent too much time with my bird dogs and my buddies, I would change that if I had a chance but I doubt it would have done much good in my case. I really believe happiness is an inside job married or not. I heard a guy say on a radio show one time that when people fall in love they actually fall in love with the way they feel about themselves when they are with that other person. Men like to feel like they are respected, I have heard the greatest compliment a woman can pay to a man is to simply listen to what he is saying. I have found I get along better with women who have plenty of interests and passions that have nothing to do with me, it might be business or something creative like art or writing, doesn't really matter as long as I don't become their hobby LOL. I know I feel good about myself when I can encourage someone to be the best person they can be and at some level we can share our accomplishments with each other, however modest they may be. I guess different things work for different folks. Steve
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well-put Steve. :) I really like this thread.
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I think if you cant be happy with yourself, you are going to have a hard time being happy with anyone else.
Romance is fine, but in the end, friendship with your spouse / partner is more important.
One of the things I have learned from being married is that what you lack the other can bring to the partnership. My wife tends to be very serious and even dour, and I am stupid silly and like to laugh, and make her laugh. I suck at banking and paying bills, so she does that. I cook 100% of the time, she burns water. I tend to be much better at housekeeping, and she is better at other things. Oddly, our traditional gender rolls are reversed a lot of the time, but it works fine for us.
Marriage / romantic relationships really are give and take, and if you give far more than you take, or visa versa, there is something wrong with the blance of the relationship.
As others have said, seperate lives and interests are a good thing. If you are entwined 100% in the other, you loose a big part of yourself. I had a buddy who's wife was slowly eliminating the things he loved from his life, and I could see that it was not going to end well.
I guess in the end, those who are happy alone, for a few hours or a lifetime, are far stronger and happier overall. Alone doesnt have to mean lonely.
Dane
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Greg, I don't envy what you are going through right now. I could have written that exact same post 15 years ago. It seemd everything I did was based on how she might respond to it. Will a girlfriend make her jealous and come back home? Will a new style of clothes get her to look at me again? will this new job, etc etc. Nothing I did was about me anymore. I will share some of the good advice I got back then and skip the tons of bad advice I got. An old man told me I needed to become an actor, even if it didn't come natural if I kept acting it would eventually came natural. Someone else told me to pray that no matter what or who she was with that my ex would be happy, even if I didn't mean it say that prayer everyday, ( I had to say it about every 5 min).
One of the most important was to make a simple decision that had nothing to do with my ex, I decided I was going to just live my own life and be happy inspite of how much I still loved and missed her. I started working on my bucket list, lots of little things I wanted to do but never had time.
Don't worry about meeting girls, I am about as ugly as ugly gets and I have had more woman than I could possibly handle after the first year, I stayed celibate most of the first year simply because I had no interest. My e email is Badger5149@aol.com if you feel like talking, it certainly doesn't hurt. Steve
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I guess I am a beginner at being single. I was married to the same woman for 20 years. We never fought, but there just wasnt any love to be felt and personally i was miserable. Then I found out she had been meeting with a man she met on the internet. We tried to work that one out but it failed. I gave her several chances to give it up and go back to the way things were, but she just couldnt give up the other men. So on my birthday (May 2) I finished packing and left. It is surprising that I really have not missed her, I haven't been down about anything. She pretty much detested my hobbies and thought they were a waste of time unless I was giving her the money that I was making from them. You never know how much bone, stone, and wood you have til you move out. The good news is that I have met a woman now that seems to be my soulmate. I have been out of the house for 2 months now and for the first time in many years, I am happy. The new girlfriend is intrigued and very interested in my paleo hobbies, moreso in the end result than the whole process, but she will set and watch me make an arrowhead. I hope it all works out for all of you, whetether you are married or single. Being happy is the main thing.