Sleek, I can understand your feelings, I am not saying I know how you feel, only you know that. But I used to be a fire fighter/emt. Before that I worked in our central dispatch. I always dreaded the call of a child drowning. I was on many calls involving children. Even though you tried, if she was down for too long, then, there is nothing that you could have done differently. Death is part of life, you just have to accept, that you did the best you could. I was on a call for a 2 yr. old drowning, not far from our station. The Rescue unit and two medics rushed the child to the ER, and left the Driver of the engine and me with the Father. While the engine driver and I waited with the grieving Father, we waited for the neighbor, whom was a nurse, to come over, and drive him to the hospital, the engine driver and I both felt completely useless, we tried to console the Father, and explain it was not his fault. the kid somehow got past the safety fence, and fell into the pool. The kid ended up dying, despite best efforts of two of the best medics we had. They both were excellent medics, very skilled, and knowledgeable. This was on Christmas Eve.! But sometimes, it is just something where it is not for you to change, and you can't beat yourself up with it, and you just have to accept that you did what you could, and get on with YOUR life. Be proud that you stepped up to plate, and at least tried. I used to teach CPR classes, and people would say, well what if I did something wrong, and the person died? I would simply ask them what if you did nothing what would happen to the person who was dying? They would die. Do something, even if it is wrong, at least try. And you did.
I know it is not something that you see often, and it is in deed disturbing, but don't dwell on it. If it still bothers, you ask the fire dept., or the responding medics, if they have a crisis council team. Our Dept. did, and after a nasty call, they would come out and talk. Even talking to the medics on the call, will help.
They, can give you insight, as to how they handle it. Good luck, and thank you for trying. You did what you could.
Wayne
