Jokes about your profession.

[JoJoDapyro]

A couple of boys were bragging about how fast their dads were. The first boy said "my dad is so fast, he can shoot his bow, and run to the target before his arrow gets there". The second boy said "my dad is so fast he can shoot his rifle and run to the targed before his bullet gets there". The third boy starts to laugh. He says "my dad is way faster than that. He works for the city, he doesn't get off work until 3:30 and he is home every day by 2:30".

[Roy]

LMAO:)

[Tyke]

How about this.so how many city workers does it take to hold up a shovel.none if you stab it into the ground but dont tell joe's boss that he might lose his job. 

[JoJoDapyro]

No Tyke, you can lean 2 shovels against one and other. And my boss works about 24 hours a week. He doesn't need to work 40, he just has me do his job too!

[JW_Halverson]

Bartender decides to close early since it is a dead night.  He hangs up the phone from calling his wife to let her know he will be home soon when two men walk in.  Both order a a beer and a shot of Jameson.

The one fellow says, "Say, Oi recognize that accent. You wouldn't be from County Clare, now would you?"  The other says, "Well, so it is, I am!  Allow me to buy the next round!"

The second one asks, "Now you wouldn't happen too be from Coolmeen, that would be to great a coincidence!" And the first one says, "Saints will bear witness, but I am, sir! Allow me to buy the next round."

Now the first fellow asks, "It was Saint Catherines where you took first communion?" And the second one says, "With Father O'Malley himself saying the Mass, it was!  May I buy the next round!"

The bartender goes over to the phone and calls his wife.  "Sorry, honey, change of plans...it's going to be a VERY long night.  The O'Laughlin twins are at it again!"

[mullet]

What sucks is we pay for it. , and then make jokes about your Buddies that work for the government.

[JoJoDapyro]

It does suck if you have a sub par public works. Here is a video of what we do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BksgLStmk6U I'm very proud of what I do.

[Del the cat]

Not so much a joke, but a couple of expressions from my early days in electroincs test/repair.
"Finger trouble"  e.g operator error.
"MBR" ... that's mended beyond repair 
Oh and graduates straight out of college...
They don't know which end of the soldering iron to pick up 
Del

[RidgeRunner]

Hay Del:
Did you ever hear this:

Question: What are the insides of electronic components made of?
Answer:    Smoke.   If you let the smoke out they don't work anymore.

Used to be a "bench" technician back in the mid 80's.
It has all changes so much now I cant even tell what most of the components are.

David

[missilemaster]

You know you're a blacksmith if...

your boogers are black

your shirt is full of holes

you're hearing impaired

you shave less than twice a week

it's no big deal when you catch on fire

you don't know your shop dog's real color

your grandfather wasn't a blacksmith

you never charge enough for your work

you stand around a fire when it's 100 degrees in the shade

the dog in the scrap yard doesn't attack you

one of your arms is bigger than the other

it rains coal dust when you scratch your head

"horseshoeing" means scaring them away

your idea of a family vacation includes a tool sale

you're happy to get coal for Christmas

[dylanholderman]

You know you're a blacksmith if...

your boogers are black

your shirt is full of holes

you're hearing impaired

you shave less than twice a week

it's no big deal when you catch on fire

you don't know your shop dog's real color

your grandfather wasn't a blacksmith

you never charge enough for your work

you stand around a fire when it's 100 degrees in the shade

the dog in the scrap yard doesn't attack you

one of your arms is bigger than the other

it rains coal dust when you scratch your head

"horseshoeing" means scaring them away

your idea of a family vacation includes a tool sale

you're happy to get coal for Christmas

several of those describe welders pretty accurately too

[JW_Halverson]

You know you're a blacksmith if...

your boogers are black

your shirt is full of holes

you're hearing impaired

you shave less than twice a week

it's no big deal when you catch on fire

you don't know your shop dog's real color

your grandfather wasn't a blacksmith

you never charge enough for your work

you stand around a fire when it's 100 degrees in the shade

the dog in the scrap yard doesn't attack you

one of your arms is bigger than the other

it rains coal dust when you scratch your head

"horseshoeing" means scaring them away

your idea of a family vacation includes a tool sale

you're happy to get coal for Christmas

several of those describe welders pretty accurately too

And if you gotta use a grinder to clean up your welds, you're a grinder, not a welder!

[mullet]

Not a joke but when you get a new guy on the Drill Rig you always send him searching for Pipe stretchers, sky hooks, and other fun things someone can come up with.

[JW_Halverson]

Left handed screwdrivers, metric 9/16" wrench, striped paint (not the cheap two-tone stuff), muffler bearing grease, blinker fluid...

[osage outlaw]

When we had boilers we would send new guys to the maintenance department to ask for a bucket of steam.