Feels like I'm spinning my wheels...

[KShip85]

Not real sure what is inspiring me to write this post, possibly just wanting to air my feelings out.  I really feel like I have just spinning my wheels lately and not getting anywhere.  Seems like life is doing what it does best to bring everything together in a perfect storm to try to bear down on me.  There's just a whole list of things coming together right now that have got me a little down and out which is partly why I've been on a bit of a hiatus around here lately.  As some of you may have seen in another post my dad has been battling some health stuff lately and to go along with the stress I feel with that as it is, is the added stress of me having to mostly run things around the shop to make sure we get some jobs done that are in the works.  On top of that his mother just landed back in the hospital today after having a second (and more severe) stroke.  We've all just been kind of waiting on this as she has gotten to the point of losing blood due to being on blood thinners while having diverticulitis or stroking out because of a clot.  My parents are her primary care taker so they have been under the stress of all that as well.

Besides this I'm having a bit of a career crisis at the moment as it looks like our shop will be slowing down and I seek other employment.  Since graduating college I have lost track of the jobs I have applied for, both inside and outside my degree, and have constantly come up without an offer.  While this has not bothered me so much, my wife asks me fairly regularly about job hunting and have also felt pressure from the in laws who don't seem to approve of the fact that their daughter the nurse is the major bread winner in the house.  My wife is also talking about wanting another child which I am more than happy to do but it adds pressure to find something more stable career wise so she can cut back hours to stay home more.  I've been more of the stay at home dad with our current child, which has not bothered me so much, it has allowed me to become super close to my little girl.  But I can tell my wife wants that a little more which means I've got to find some better employment.

Adding further to my frustrations is my difficulty getting back into traditional bow making.  Before my daughter was born I was doing work regularly and stockpiling resources and had turned out several bows in a short matter of time.  Since taking a couple years off I've found myself having a hard time getting the feel back for hitting specific targets of draw length and weight.  The main reason this is bothering me is the Bow trade which I became a part of.  I feel like I'm on plan Q at this point and am getting frustrated by me rushing and taking off too much wood and missing weight.  I've had glue ups randomly split down the center after sitting fine for two weeks or more.  Splinters have pulled, staves have turned out to be unusable...just getting a little frustrated by it all at the moment. 

I did at least today get another glue up going and am hopeful of the new plan.  I've also got several other staves set aside which are in random stages of completion.  Honestly at this point if it wasn't for the fact that Gordon spent a ton of effort making that vine maple bow specifically for me and if it fit my recipients specs I'd send it off as I am feeling less and less deserving at the moment of owning such a beautiful bow.

Part of me is wondering if I should just hang up the draw knife after this trade and pass out the rest of my stockpiles to whoever is able to get to them.  Things just seem like they are moving too fast right now for me to get to spend the time I want working this labor of love craft.  Not to mentioned I occasionally get encouragement to pursue a hobby that does not take up quite so much space 

The one thing that is a bit of good news right now is my selling of some farm land that I was planning on building on at some point until the county came in and decided to create a crazy land use plan that would cause me to have to jump through entirely too many hoops just to have them tell me exactly where on that piece of property I could build.  While it hurts a little to think about selling the land I had dreamed about for as long as I can remember of building on, the thought of it alleviating the major portion of debt that we've accrued as a young family helps to ease the sting. 

Here's to hoping the current job application yields results, the current trade bow gives me a spot on spec shooter, and that life manages to slow down long enough to let me catch my breath.

Thanks to those who took the time to read this.  Again, not sure what prompted me to write it but it feels good to have gotten it out there. 

Hope everyone is having a good week

Kip

[JW_Halverson]

I feel ya, Kippers.  Seems like all life wants to be is a series of "starting overs".  My bowmaking sure falls in that category. 

I kinda hope it's me that you are making the bow for, that way I can tell you to forget it and focus on doing what's important. 

Hang in there brother, it may not get better, but it will get different!  If you can find a way to carve out 30 minutes alone in the dark to spend time counting the good things you got in your life, it helps.  I quit/was fired from my last real full time job 5 years ago and I have been piecing it together steadily since then.  One part time job, two little bitty start up businesses, and a non-profit that doesn't pay me anything and I am one of the luckiest guys I know.  Broke and no great prospects in the future, but like I tell folks, "I ain't dead YET!" 

You'll build a callous ramming your head into the wall, but in the meanwhile don't forget to try sneaking a peek to the sides to see if you can do a head fake and end run around the wall!

[bowtarist]

Hang in there Kip.  Look me up if you need a retreat. I've got a safe house and my names in the book.  Drink a couple of beers, drop the sting on some targets, listen to my kids scream...I mean listen to the creek babble and birds sing. dpg

[DGF]

I feel for you. Life is full of blessings that are easily overshadowed by life's tougher dealings. It's important to be able to slow down and recognize those blessings and not let them slip by unappreciated. It's nice you are able to sell some land and ease some financial burden at the same time. Down the road, when the time is right you may well be able to build your dream house on some new acreage. In the mean time enjoy all gods gifts you currently have, and don't lose hope on increasing your employment.

-Dan

[Pappy]

Hang tough Kip,life has a way of turning around it you just stay optimistic. It happens to all of us from time to time,seems life is piling up on you ,then all of the sudden Life is Good.
   Pappy

[TRACY]

Keep your head up Kip! Take care of business and when things settle out, get back to the bows with a clear mind. Like Derik said, there's a few of us near you that we could get out and shoot a few targets to blow off some stress. Hope things get better for you!

Tracy

[Slackbunny]

I hope things pick up for you. Just keep your head up and your eyes open. That way you won't miss the path to higher ground.

[YosemiteBen]

Kip - now don't go and be rash in any decisions. Sorry you got to sell the property - I do understand about those hoops.  I live just inside the 1/4 mile scenic highway overlay and have a lot of rules to follow.  My board pile might be someone elses junk pile so go to keep it neat.  I understand about living under a "lemon" tree too. No matter how hard we work we never seem to get ahead - mostly we keep our nose above water so we can at least breathe. Like JW said - make time to be thankful for the things you have.  All in good time.... Will put in a prayer for you.
Ben

[4dog]

Praying for you and your family, the other day stress got so bad i was gonna blow my top, grabbed my bow a coupla arrows went to a friends property and took my frustration out on srumps , branches , bunnies, and squirrels, two hrs later, was sweaty , hot and slightly tired, after all that and some serious discussion with THE BIG MAN, felt better and slept peaceful, my advice is this, do all that i did, as often as you can, it helped me. Good luck and God bless.

[Poggins]

Hang in there , I know where you're coming from. Seams like every once and a while life has a habit of getting us down and will kick you for the fun of it but you got to fight back and not let it win.
Went throug something similar in 08 , working on cars for twenty years I just got burnt out on it one day and decided to change my life around . I turned down good paying jobs turning wrenches and went to work on the turnpike ( I get to run all the equipment and don't have to turn this pesky wrenches very often) .
Hang in there , take a deep breath and win.

[Carson (CMB)]

"An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus and keep aiming."
 
I think there is some truth to this internet quote, so keep aiming, and think of the positives...like you got a Gordon bow!

[KShip85]

Thanks for the thoughts, kind words and prayers.  Found out today my grandma was sent to hospice on comfort measures.  Knew this was coming but still tough.  As far as counting my blessings I do try and do it often.  One of my biggest blessings is currently parked in my lap while we rock and watch finding nemo trying to fall asleep.  That little girl is a big part of what makes it worth it to keep pressing on. 

To the guys who offered getting together some time, when things slow down some I'd love to get together and sling some arrows.  All you guys really are great guys. 

Thanks for the encouragement all.  Can't replace a community like this one.


Kip

[Dharma]

I can dig what you're saying. I came home from work one day to find my fiancé had packed and split. She left me in a bit of a financial bind, but I just said, hey, I've got rice and tea and let the Dharma carry me along awhile. I meditated at length on it and made the changes in my life that became very obvious through deep looking into the whole situation. All things have causes and conditions attached to it. I could see she wasn't with me for the long haul once I really looked deeply at the whole gig. I know that all things are impermanent, including feelings of sadness over losses. Just give it time and come to the realization that because all things are impermanent and in a state of change at all times, you cannot become attached to a certain future being a certain way. Don't cling to that. Live in the present moment because the past is done and the future does not yet exist. What you do in the present moment is what builds your future. If you know all things are impermanent, you can see that the unhappiness you feel is temporary and does not exist as a permanent state.

I have been through quite a bit besides that, including the loss of a job and was unemployed for 3 months before that relationship. I stopped worrying about the future and let the future happen on its own accord based on what I did in the present moment. As far as inlaws, well, their own perceptions are irrelevant, really. They don't live your life, nor should they be living your partner's life. They're entitled to an opinion, but that is as far as it should go if the both of you have your boundaries firmly in place. Relatives and friends who meddle in a relationship have some pretty serious issues going on, so don't get to wrapped up in their trip, nor allow them to become enmeshed in your life. A relationship only has room for two in that circle. Do not become attached to their approval. It isn't necessary.

Archery provides a good meditation to learn how to focus your attention on the present moment. You realize that what you do in that present moment affects where your arrow strikes. Worrying about where the other arrows in the quiver shall strike does not in any way aid you in determining where the arrow already on your bow will strike. If you become attached to where those other arrows strike, not only will they not strike where you wish, but the one on your bow will not fly accurately, either. Archery teaches using skilful means to build precision and accuracy in everything else you do. Skilful means will aid you in building bows as you wish. Practice deep looking in building  bows and you will be able to see what the wood has to teach you about yourself.