Just for fun

[Marc St Louis]

There is a local magazine up here called the Valley Vendor that features classifieds, jokes and funny stories; the jokes and funny stories are called "Just For Fun".  Here's a few good ones from the Magazine.

There were about 200 dead Crows found dead near Halifax and it was determined that about 98% were killed by trucks and 2% by cars. 
The Government hired an expert on bird behaviour to do a study on this phenomena. 
The expert did a study and found that when Crows ate road kill they posted a lookout in a tree. 
His conclusion was that the lookout could say caws but could not say trucks.

Two medical students were walking along the street when they spotted an old man walking stiff legged, slowly and with his legs spread apart.
One student says to his friend: "I'm sure the old man has Peltry Syndrome, they walk that way."
The other says: "No, I don't think so.  He surely has Zovitzki Syndrome."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to go ask the old man.
One student said: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk.  We couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.  Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man says: "I will but first tell me what you think."
The first student says: "I think it's Pelty Syndrome."
The old man says: " You thought but you are wrong"
The other student says: "I think it is Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man says: " You thought but you are wrong."
They asked him: " What do you have then."
The old man says: " I thought it was gas but I was wrong too."

One more

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping by her car.  I asked her: "Do you need help?"
She replied: "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door locker.  Now I can't get into my car.  Do you think they (pointing at a distant convenience store) might have a battery that would fit this?"
I replied: "Hmmm, I don't know.  Do you have an alarm too?"
"No, just this remote thingy", she replied handing the keys to me.
I took the keys from her and manually unlocked the door saying: "Why don't you drive over and check it out, it's a long walk."

The magazine is always a fun read.

P.S. If anyone has some good ones then by all means

[skyarrow]

Haha nice

[Badly Bent]

Those are good gutbusters Marc!
I'll share one I heard recently courtesy of Willie Nelson;

A man walks out of a antique store carrying a beautiful grandfather clock he had just purchased. As he exits the store onto the sidewalk a drunk staggers into him causing him to drop the clock where and bust it into pieces.
The angry man then says to the drunk 'you idiot... why don't you watch where your going!'
The drunk looks up at the man and calmly says 'why don't you just wear a wristwatch like everyone else.'

oh and one more drunk joke;

A drunk falls through a second floor window onto the sidewalk below. A gentleman who just came around the corner sees him laying in the broken glass and runs up to the drunk and ask..' what happened'!
The drunk brushes a little glass off himself and replies..' not sure...just got here myself'.

[JW_Halverson]

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.

Two crows are sitting on a fence, when a jet-fighter doing training maneuvers roars overhead. 1st crow says wistfully "Man, I sure wish I could fly that fast!" 2nd crow remarks "If you had two butts, and both of them were on fire, you could!"

[Marc St Louis]

Those are good ones.

Here's another one from that mag, not sure if this is a joke or real.

I was checking out at a local Wal-Mart with just a few items when the lady behind me started to put her things on the belt close to mine.  I picked up one of those dividers and placed it between her stuff and mine so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all my items she picked up the divider and started looking for the bar code.  When she couldn't find it she asked: " Do you know how much this is?"  I said to her: "I've changed my mind, I don't think I will buy that today."  She said: " Ok," and I paid for my things and left.

[JW_Halverson]

That's scary Marc.  Those people are allowed driver's licenses and can breed!

I was in the grocery store and picked up a few little things.  I handed the checker a $20 and he accidently rang it up as $200.  He was looking panic stricken when I told him to count out change for a twenty.  He looked up at me like he was in a trance and said, "No!  Then my till would be off!"  He called for a supervisor to void the transaction and when I asked her to just count out change for a twenty, foolishly thinking she'd have the math skills, she replied in the same zombie-like way, "No, because then his till will be off!" 

[Marc St Louis]

That is scary.  It's like some of them have lost their common sense.

Here is a good blonde joke.

A plane in on it's way to Toronto when a blonde in economy gets up and moves to first class and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and goes and ask her for her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she only paid for economy so she has to move back.
The blonde replies: " I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto so I'm staying right here".
The flight attendant goes to the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there's a blonde sitting in first class that belongs in economy  but won't move back.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tells her that she only paid for economy so she has to move back.
The blonde replies: " I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto so I'm staying right here".
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he should probably have the police waiting when they land to arrest the blonde.
The pilot says: "You say she is blonde?  I'm married to a blonde and I speak blonde, let me handle this".
He goes back to the blonde and whispers something in her ear and she says: "Oh, I'm sorry" and moves back to economy.
The flight attendant and the co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move.
He replies: " It was simple, I just told her first class isn't go to Toronto"

[killir duck]

north dakota started a war with montana, Nd threw a granade over the border MT pulled the pin and threw it back.

a cannibal passed his brother in the woods.

a missionary was walking threw the jungle with a aboriginie and was teaching him english, the missionary points to a tree and says "tree" the aboriginie repeats and says "tree" they keep walking along and the missionary points to a bush and says "bush" and the aboriginie repeats and says "bush"
well they keep walking and as they walk around a bush right there is a couple making love the missonary quickly ducks back around the bush and the aboriginie asks "what was that in english?" the missionary studders for a second then says "man riding bicycle"  the abo whips up his blow gun and shoots the couple, the missionary asks "what was that for?" the abo replies "man riding my bicycle!"

[cracker]

True story last january I was in wal mart to buy some ice trays for an old fridge at home that has no ice maker. I asked an associate where the ice trays were she said I'm sorry sir but we don't have any that's a seasonal item. Being my usual smart ellec self I asked how many I could shoot when they came back in season I expected a snicker but all I got was a jombie like stare. Ron

[Pat B]

Hey Ronnie, they filmed part of "The Walking Dead" not too far from where you live. 

[TRACY]

Skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop





Tracy

[JW_Halverson]

north dakota started a war with montana, Nd threw a granade over the border MT pulled the pin and threw it back.

HEY!  I'M from North Dakota!  Type slower!

The NoDaks haven't gotten over their humiliating defeat at the hands of Montana and are planning a sneak attack.  They imported 150 septic tanks from Minnesota and as soon as they figure out how to drive 'em they are invading Billings!

[johnston]

True story. Had a physical last week and the follow up today." All's well" said the doc ," you got anything?"
I did not want a prescription but thought a sample pack of Viagra  would maybe come in handy and I said
so.  My doc of 35 years laughed out loud. Never saw him do that but then he told this little story.

The day before he had an older (73) gentleman in and in the course of business Doc told him that he was
in good shape certainly good enough for sex which the man had asked about. Doc told him he was a prime
candidate for a helpful pill.

The old guy was quiet. Stared then glared. " That damn thing has cost me money, sleep, fights, got me shot
at and damn near made me a serious drunk on top of two divorces. DO NOT wake it back up."

[YosemiteBen]

now thats funny!

[Roy]

Some funny jokes guys.