Author Topic: funniest archery story i ever read  (Read 4779 times)

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Offline rwaterman00

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funniest archery story i ever read
« on: May 31, 2011, 04:02:50 am »


Don't know who wrote this but he has a way with words that makes one visualize being right there beside him.  Good read!!!!

      Life as a child growing up in Oklahoma ....

      Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits.  Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down?
      Tough sumbich.
      That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old "Dukes of Hazard" fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place.
      One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard.  I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (Ether).  The light bulb went off in my head.
      I grabbed the can and set it on the stump.  I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner.  Let’s face it, to a 10 yr old mouth-breather like myself, (Ether), really doesn't "sound" flammable.
      So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles).
      At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder.  My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the (Ether) can but it all sorta dumped out on me.  No biggie, a 1 lb. pyrodex and 16 oz (Ether) should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know?
      You know what? Screw that I'm going back in the house for the other can.
      Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too.  Now we're cookin'.
      I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow.  I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim.  As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... "OH SHOOT"!  He just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can.  My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes.  I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can. Oh shoot.
      When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet.  I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 fricking decibels of sound.  I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see.  It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a worm or two.
      The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this...
 
      "THE FRICKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE"!!!!!!!

      There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That sumbich got up and ran off.
      So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my thundercats T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback:
 
"ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOU'RE BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!!  CEASE FIRE. DAMN IT CEASE FIRE"!!!!!

      His hat has blown off and is 30 ft behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard.  There is a Honda 185 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.
      I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment.  I don't know - I know I said something. I couldn't hear.  I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter.  I don't remember much from this point on.  I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later.  I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea.  I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR. and Dad screaming "Bring him back to life so I can kill him again". Thanks Mom.
      One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again, Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it.  I stepped up to the plate and handled business.
      Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later.  I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both.
      I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery.  It's good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.

      Author Unknown

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Offline RidgeRunner

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Re: funniest archery story i ever read
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2011, 11:51:34 am »
I think the Author is known.....
He goes by ( Ranger B ) on this site.

David
David Key / N.W. Alabama

HatchA

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Re: funniest archery story i ever read
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2011, 01:54:01 pm »
  I don't remember much from this point on.  I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later.  I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea.  I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR. and Dad screaming "Bring him back to life so I can kill him again". Thanks Mom.
      One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again, Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it.  I stepped up to the plate and handled business.

Man...   I haven't laughed as much as that section made me laugh, in a long looooong while!!  :D

The bolded bit made me laugh so much I got light-headed and almost fainted from lack of oxygen!!

Offline JW_Halverson

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Re: funniest archery story i ever read
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2011, 08:21:18 pm »
Reminds me of the time I went to the dentist appointment without bangs or my left eyebrow and some blistering on my left ear.  Something about gunpowder trails me and Billy Hopkins were doing one fine day. 

This thread shows some promise.  Kinda like the one about people burning things like couches in their backyards and stuff!
Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline Diligence

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Re: funniest archery story i ever read
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2011, 01:51:36 am »
That was just too darn funny...tears in my ears here!

..needed that today!

thanks,
D
"Always do your best and to everyone be kind and good" - Ernst Hjalmer Selin (1906-2000)....my grandfather's words of advice he wanted me to tell my children.

Offline GregB

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Re: funniest archery story i ever read
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2011, 10:06:30 am »
My dad told a story of when he was a kid almost as good...had to do with three young boys, six sticks of dynamite acquired from one of their dad's who was using it to blow stumps, the dynamite wrapped and sealed in a big can, a fishing hole, a mule pulling a wagon that I don't know if they ever caught up with him or not!

Front page story of "mysterious explosion felt for miles around", and the three young boys swearing secrecy! I don't think my dad ever told my grandfather about that one! :)
Greg

A rich person can be poor monetarily, the best things in life are free...

Offline Young Bowyer

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Re: funniest archery story i ever read
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2011, 12:23:08 am »
Me and my cousin were duck hunting, we were about to leave the lake and his dad was in the camp packing while we were supposed to put out the fire. He (not I!) grabbed a large bucket full of gasoline thinking it was water and threw it on the fire! I jumped back like a cat behind a chair. I was fine but who wouldn't jump from an explosion? His dad walks out with this look on his face like... Uh... What? Then he said "Well what did ya do that for?" and we explained why we did it and the rest is lost history.
"A man can be destroyed, but not defeated."
The old man from Ernest Hemingway's The Old Man And The Sea

Offline JW_Halverson

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Re: funniest archery story i ever read
« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2012, 05:20:39 pm »
Not the thread I was looking for, but laughed myself silly all over again. 
Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline Keenan

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Re: funniest archery story i ever read
« Reply #8 on: October 06, 2012, 05:36:02 pm »
Oh my gosh! I just blew milk all over the screen. Tried to read it to my son but was laughing so hard I was crying!  Just hits to close to home as I had a very similar youth experience for real!

Offline Pat B

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Re: funniest archery story i ever read
« Reply #9 on: October 07, 2012, 02:25:58 am »
That was Jimmy(Ranger B). I remember reading his post. I think we all had a taste of that growing up.  ;)
Make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes!    Pat Brennan  Brevard, NC